I wonder... #21
I wonder...
What does it mean that we are a family in Christ? More specifically, what does it mean that believers are "brothers" and "sisters"--being children of God? And what implications does this familial status in Christ have on cross-gender relationships? Further questions that then ought to be asked are: how much of our conception of being a "family in Christ" is influenced/defined by our relationships with our blood-siblings? And how much is our relationship with our blood-siblings influenced/defined by our culture's conception of family? What was the relational dynamic intended by the authors of Scripture when they describe believes as brothers and sisters?
The way I understand familial relations in Christ is shaped largely by my relationship with my younger sister, Nicole. She is my best friend. I am very open with her. We have conversations about Christianity, Philosophy, Art, etc. all the time. She critiques me, encourages me, challenges me, and I value our familial intimacy, striving on together to be like Jesus.
I admit that when Scripture says we are brothers and sisters in Christ, it probably does not have in mind the sort of familial intimacy that I have with my sister (how intimate were siblings in those times?...I cannot pretend to know). My view is perhaps the result of my own relational needs, desires, and expectations (being more introverted, contemplative, etc.). But I wonder if my view could be explained as a proper extension of the Biblical command to be brothers and sisters to one another.
I have been criticized, and confess rightly at times, that my "approach to cross-gender relationships (with such intimacy between men and women who are not blood-related) can severely hurt a woman." By getting to know a sister in Christ on terms that are "deep" without any intention to date her, I am said to be "leading her on" and not "guarding her emotional vulnerability." My conduct has been equated to women who (not being "sensitive" to their brothers in Christ) wear scant clothing.
However true this critique has been in the past, I think something is lost when we do not cultivate healthy, intimate, familial (i.e. non-romantic!) relationships between men and women in Christ. To be honest, it seems to me that "dating," "marriage," "Eros," etc., should not be our first thoughts or motives when talking with a Christian of the opposite gender, neither should believers simply engage on "surface" levels that never address the basis of their unity (i.e. Christ), which is the most intimate topic for any Christian.
What I think is lost by having such a polarized view of cross-gender relationships is a broader view of humanity and virtue. My views on love, gentleness, purity, meekness, etc. have been shaped by the women I have known. Also, many of my Christian sisters have served as sources of exhortation and encouragement in my life. Yet this only happened because I was engaged with them on terms that were not superficial, disengaged, but according to our identity in Christ.
Regardless of whether or not you agree with my approach (an approach I have actually been stopping for the past year-and-a-half), I think we can agree that whatever our relationships with Christians of the opposite gender are supposed to look like in Christ, they ought to be different from how we engage with the non-Christian of the opposite gender.
So my question is this: how do you view your brothers and sisters in Christ? Does your view go beyond how you look at your general acquaintances or friends who are not Christians? What is the difference? And does your view meet the biblical call to familial relations in Christ?
What does it mean that we are a family in Christ? More specifically, what does it mean that believers are "brothers" and "sisters"--being children of God? And what implications does this familial status in Christ have on cross-gender relationships? Further questions that then ought to be asked are: how much of our conception of being a "family in Christ" is influenced/defined by our relationships with our blood-siblings? And how much is our relationship with our blood-siblings influenced/defined by our culture's conception of family? What was the relational dynamic intended by the authors of Scripture when they describe believes as brothers and sisters?
The way I understand familial relations in Christ is shaped largely by my relationship with my younger sister, Nicole. She is my best friend. I am very open with her. We have conversations about Christianity, Philosophy, Art, etc. all the time. She critiques me, encourages me, challenges me, and I value our familial intimacy, striving on together to be like Jesus.
I admit that when Scripture says we are brothers and sisters in Christ, it probably does not have in mind the sort of familial intimacy that I have with my sister (how intimate were siblings in those times?...I cannot pretend to know). My view is perhaps the result of my own relational needs, desires, and expectations (being more introverted, contemplative, etc.). But I wonder if my view could be explained as a proper extension of the Biblical command to be brothers and sisters to one another.
I have been criticized, and confess rightly at times, that my "approach to cross-gender relationships (with such intimacy between men and women who are not blood-related) can severely hurt a woman." By getting to know a sister in Christ on terms that are "deep" without any intention to date her, I am said to be "leading her on" and not "guarding her emotional vulnerability." My conduct has been equated to women who (not being "sensitive" to their brothers in Christ) wear scant clothing.
However true this critique has been in the past, I think something is lost when we do not cultivate healthy, intimate, familial (i.e. non-romantic!) relationships between men and women in Christ. To be honest, it seems to me that "dating," "marriage," "Eros," etc., should not be our first thoughts or motives when talking with a Christian of the opposite gender, neither should believers simply engage on "surface" levels that never address the basis of their unity (i.e. Christ), which is the most intimate topic for any Christian.
What I think is lost by having such a polarized view of cross-gender relationships is a broader view of humanity and virtue. My views on love, gentleness, purity, meekness, etc. have been shaped by the women I have known. Also, many of my Christian sisters have served as sources of exhortation and encouragement in my life. Yet this only happened because I was engaged with them on terms that were not superficial, disengaged, but according to our identity in Christ.
Regardless of whether or not you agree with my approach (an approach I have actually been stopping for the past year-and-a-half), I think we can agree that whatever our relationships with Christians of the opposite gender are supposed to look like in Christ, they ought to be different from how we engage with the non-Christian of the opposite gender.
So my question is this: how do you view your brothers and sisters in Christ? Does your view go beyond how you look at your general acquaintances or friends who are not Christians? What is the difference? And does your view meet the biblical call to familial relations in Christ?
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