Ah! How tired am I! How gruelingly tired.

"Sorry I am tired."...is this a valid excuse?

The reality of a bad night's rest is tragic in itself...but to be caught in a perpetual state of insomnia is horrific. The capabilities of the mind and overall character of a person is greatly diminished and weakened by such a problem. There is an aspect of accountability that cannot be had when a mind is incapable of reason or focused thought. The terror is overall gripping to the throat. When I interact with others my words and actions do not match my sentiments. I find myself thinking one thing but my mind is so slow that when the time to apply my belief comes, it passes by and I am left there thinking to myself: "No, no—wait...let us do that again..." One step towards living properly is to be healthy—we are bodies and souls, and so part of being a man is not only to maintain a healthy spiritual life, but a physically healthy one as well. In fact it seems that any attempts at an overall righteous life is impaired by the body, be it ill or fatigued; the same problem arises with becoming drunk.

God is trying to speak to me...I want to think, I want to grow, I want to develop in Christ. I want to contemplate His Glory and Splendor so that I may better serve—I want to serve without ceasing...but alas it seems He is showing me that though it is a noble goal deserving of complete dedication, part of that goal involves rest. This isn't something that is attainable by my own exertions, but by God's will, power, and grace. I cannot make it happen, and no amount of me stressing my own physical capabilities will get me there faster...it actually seems to be doing the contrary. I must learn not to make my own pace but to find the pace that God has given me, so that I may live in harmony with His will, and serve Him correctly, so that I may live for Him wholly; “And on the seventh day He rested.”

(Now it is back to work, Apostolic Fathers wont read itself. God give me a glimps of the wisdom that is there to be had in such a text. Guide my soul to truth.)